How Your Personal Stories Fuel Burnout

“I said no.”

3 years ago, I took a 3 week cruise with my dad through the Panama Canal. We had lots of time to talk.

He reminded me that when I was in elementary school, the school wanted me to skip a grade. A year later, I was assessed as gifted.

My father declined both options. It’s apparent he was a bit intimidated at the idea I was smarter than him.

I was able to attend field trips with the gifted class but not anything else. I always thought I hadn’t done well in the tests. I didn’t know I was held back because my father said no.

I’ve always known storytelling is important but I had no idea that one of my own core stories about myself was so inaccurate.

It left me with a feeling that I constantly had to prove that I was smart enough. At work, it manifests in taking on too much work and burnout. I’m motivated by praise and awards and certifications - external validation.

It nearly killed me.

Read this interview I did with Anna Burgess Yang.

https://lnkd.in/gUvq78Jf

When I finally left that job in 2019, it took 14 people to cover the workload. And that’s only the work they actually valued. I did a lot more that no one ever realized.

As an adult, I realize that giftedness is a form of neurodivergence.

I don’t know if I missed out academically by not skipping a grade and not pursuing the gifted classes. I do know that the narrative I internalized as not being good enough has been harmful.

My mom is not around to ask - she died in 2017. I don’t know her side of the story.

My dad doesn’t think he made a bad decision. It’s pointless to debate it with him.

I’ve done inner child work with therapists to undo the damage.

My work is to accept that I don’t have to prove myself to anyone. My work is to accept that internal validation is just as important as external validation.

You know the question “what would you tell your younger self?”

I’d tell her not to believe everything she’s told about herself, even by the father she always thought had her back.